


It's Definitely Not Butter

by ironic_boner



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen, Intersectional Feminism, Pie, blatant vegan propaganda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 09:39:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12745740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironic_boner/pseuds/ironic_boner
Summary: There’s margarine in the Haus kitchen. Even Jack knows not to bring margarine into Bitty’s kitchen.Testimonial:"i don't feel attacked but like i'm used to your vegan lectures??"- a non-vegan friend





	It's Definitely Not Butter

There’s margarine in the Haus kitchen.

Even Jack knows not to bring margarine into Bitty’s kitchen. He’s heard the lectures every time someone buys Bitty margarine instead of real butter. (There’s the “The Pie Crust Just isn’t the Same” lecture, the “How do I make Buttercream Frosting Without Butter” lecture, the “I _Can_ Believe It’s Not Butter” lecture…) So, at first glance, that’s probably what’s causing the fuss: Bitty sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, surrounded by margarine; Shitty arguing with himself; Lardo, Ransom, and Holster moaning and devouring leftover pie from last night.

On second glance, though, Shitty is arguing with himself about the extent of inter-sectional feminism, which doesn’t - to Jack’s knowledge have any connection with margarine, and the other three are moaning about it being the last pie they’ll ever eat.

“What’s going on?” Jack asks, not really sure he wants to know.

“Jack!” 

“Come mourn with us!”

“It’s the end of an era! Grab a fork!”

Jack takes the fork Holster shoves at him, but doesn’t start in on the pie like the others.

“What _is_ it?” he asks. “Who bought the margarine?”

“I did,” Bitty says, sounding bewildered and scandalized. “ _I bought the margarine_.”

Jack looks around the kitchen, hoping someone will explain.

“Jack,” Shitty says, hand pressed to his heart, “If an industry primarily exploits female labour, mistreats them, fundamentally ignores reproductive justice - shouldn’t we, as feminists, refuse to support such an industry?”

“Uh,” Jack says, looking from Shitty to the margarine to Bitty and back again. “Yes?”

“The workers are cows!” Shitty bursts out, on top of Jack’s answer, like he can’t hold it in for a second longer. “Cows!”

Jack blinks. “Okay,” he says, trying to reason this out. “So we have margarine because cows deserve reproductive justice?”

“The poor baby calves!” Bitty says. “And their poor sad mothers!”

Lardo sets down the empty pie plate she’s just finished licking, having - somehow - won the fight for it over Ransom and Holster, and _finally_ explains - “Bitty’s ethics class watched Earthlings, and now he’s going vegan."


End file.
